Sister-in-Sin

Dear Shay,

Today I went out to dinner with you. I must say you weren't much of a conversationalist. You didn't even have a food-O over the pad tai, with tofu I might add. Okay, since you weren't REALLY there I'll tell you the ins-&-outs of our meal. Even though it was quite chilly outside I had a hankering for a Thai iced tea. Good-bye word of wisdom. Shhh, it's our little secret! I even had the space cadet waitress who is so sweet. I asked her the ingredients for the tea and guess what baby - I got it!!!! That means in less than a week you and I will be sipp'n iced teas like mad women. You're not nursing and caffeine IS good for all my headaches right? I will play with the recipe here and hopefully have it perfected by next week. By the way, I drank two - one for each of us.

Oh, and to prove that this is actually a sign from God...I opened my fortune cookie at a stop light and this is what it said, "PEOPLE FIND IT DIFFICULT TO RESIST YOUR PERSUASIVE MANNER." That's got you, me and Thai iced tea written all over it!

See you soon.
Your sister-in-sin,
Jen

P.S. Our lucky numbers are 11 28 30 33 41 44 - whatever.

Our Christmas Manger

I thought we'd start a new tradition since we have children in abundance around here. I assigned roles to each kid while my stage hand, Carlos, designed their costumes. Perry was the angel who appeared to the Shepherds. She has called herself an angel ever since this event. Cora was Mary. She placed dibs on this immediately thinking she got the best part only to be disgruntled when I pulled out the angel card. Typical. Cristian was Joseph, Mason was a Shepherd. They put on a painful 3-minute performance for Paw-Paw, the Vance's, and the Pruetts(?). It was cute enough. Oh, and the Christ child was played by a preemie cabbage patch baby.

Enamel & Fairies

Well, my dear little Cora you are gone to school today and you have been on my mind. I wonder how happy and proud you are showing off your empty gap in your lower row of teeth. Are you thrilled about being in the coveted "Toothless Club" at school? This is important stuff in kindergarten. You worked so hard pulling that little calcium deposit out. I told you it was like having a baby because you and I appreciate dramatic flair. And since you worked so hard for that tooth I thought I would tell you the story behind Tooth Fairies.

You and Cristian already know that fairies can be male or female. And you know that they have some magical properties because of all the sparkle they leave behind after whisking away your teeth. But why do the fairies even want our old teeth? It seems so odd doesn't it?

Well, fairies are very delicate, fragile even. Not just because they are small and can be smashed to bits easily, but they are fragile in their hearts and in their feelings. Fairies are actually quite bothersome. They are always whining and complaining when they are away from Tooth-topia. They are no fun to be around in the least. Fairies are known to complain, weep, whine, nag. They never are pleasant or happy. But it isn't their fault - they are made that way. Well, they were such a miserable lot that eventually all the woodland creatures banished them to only live together far from where any could hear their negativity.

And so it went on this way for hundreds of years. Until, quite by accident, it was discovered that when a fairy held a human tooth their personality changed. They became pleasant, selfless, kind, courageous, happy. This discovery stirred the fairies into action. They organized themselves into teams, each responsible for different areas of the world. And each evening as sleep envelopes the land they set out to work. They ever so quietly sneak into bedrooms across the globe exchanging money for precious teeth.

Now teeth are made from a strong substance called enamel. Enamel is even stronger than your bones Cora. This rare material is what changes the fairies personalities. Enamel give them joy, courage, hope, kindness. It doesn't do this for humans. But the fairies cleverly found out that this enamel is magic to them. They collect all the children's teeth and fly home to Tooth-topia. In this dazzling white city, there are castles, buildings, stores, and homes ALL made from one thing - TEETH! The fairies have figured out that when they are surrounded by children's teeth they are much happier. Some fairies choose not to be tooth fairies. They are not allowed to live in Tooth-topia if they are unwilling to work as all the others do. They are required to live elsewhere. They never become happy, helpful fairies. I fact, in time they become only selfish, greedy, and bothersome until they loose their fairy status and turn into wasps or mosquitoes.

My little Cora, your first tooth has been a great contribution to Tooth-topia. I am confidant that all the good fairies marvel at how beautiful your first tooth is, how strong the enamel is that keeps them happy and carefree. Fairies will build your tooth into a special tooth monument where it will be gazed upon and marveled at for all to see.

It's Coming!!

So tomorrow is the BIG day! Tomorrow our family will be sealed in the San Antonio Temple! The foster and adoption process takes you through a myriad of emotions and scenarios. We were always on some part of the roller coaster of emotions for the past 29 months. But I must admit that once we knew Mason and Perry were with us to stay, all I could think of was the temple sealing.

They were returned to their biological mother a while back. That was a long and tedious separation. About two weeks before they left I couldn't take it anymore. I don't even remember where the kids were, maybe they were in a visit with their mom because I know I approached their CPS worker and told her I needed to talk to her privately. She took me to her office. I let loose. The tears were running fluidly. Despite my flood, I gave a logical defense to my feelings. I told her that I had a lot of concerns - things that I knew mom wasn't able to do for the kids. There were things I didn't feel she completed for the well-being of the kids. This was a ridiculous platform. CPS gently told me they understood my concerns, but they were still being returned. I moved on to how confusing and scary this was going to be for Perry and Mason, how attached they were to Cora and Bug, to the both of us. Again, empathy, but a no go. I finally pulled out the big guns. What was largest on my mind and imprinted everywhere in my heart. "Emily," I said, "I am telling you that this is wrong. These kids belong in our family. They belong with us. Carlos and I knew it the first night they were with us. They just fit."

It was a very confusing time for me when they left. I had to honor the law. I knew the laws were there to protect the masses. I knew we were helpless. It was futile to fight against all this. I knew when they left that was the end of it. It was so hard to wrestle and compartmentalize all my feelings and intuition. It had all felt too right. And here it had all unraveled. I do what I am expert at and just didn't think about it. I just didn't deal and moved forward.

Five weeks later our foster agency calls up. Angela is unusually chipper. She always was when she had a placement for us. "Guess what Jen?" she gushed. "I have a couple of kiddos for ya!" You need to imagine the thickest southern drawl possible when thinking of Angela. I groaned inside at the thought of not one, but two new kids in the home right now. "Really," I replied. "Yeah," she's about to explode, "and their names are Tony and Chula!!" That was the beginning of the rest of all our lives. They came home that evening looking disheveled, bitten up, and dirty. But they were home. I will spend the rest of my life filling in all their holes, teaching them what family is, letting them know how magnificent they are.

Tomorrow is the offical beginning of our forever.

SAY WHAT?!?

Do you see the little critter on the left? This is my nephew Ian Tyler. He is a gem of a kid. He has a deep, serious voice laced with slight speech problems. When he speaks he often has something thoughtful or insightful, especially to a 4-year old, to say. He doesn't waste his words. So the other day he decided to educate his aunt about ants. It wasn't a topic of discussion but maybe it was in his little universe. He tugged at me and kept saying over and over, "Tia, tia, tia..." (That's Spanish for aunt.) I finally looked down at him.
"What Ian?"
"Tia, sugar ants eat sugar!"
"Wow, is that what they really eat?"
"Yes," he replied authoritatively. "And fire ants eat fire!"
I had a good chuckle.
He is a darn sweet kid.

Picture Review of 2008

We didn't send out a greeting card for Christmas so this my way of updating all about the happenings of our family (and to show off my great family).

They're back!!! It's a good thing...a very good thing.

May

Mason and Perry had been returned to their natural mother

for about a month, but were returned to our home in the 

beginning of May.  Miracles DO happen.

Spring Recital

April

The three cousins participated in dance lessons for

several months.  Their perfomance was in April and,

of course, they all did great!

Summer Vacation in California

June

I have to say, this is probably my favorite picture

of our family.

Traveling to California

June

Cruz Family at Chuy's Wedding

June

Fourth of July in Missouri

July

We had a great time with the Carters/Stewarts for

the Fourth of July.  A lot of time in the water doing

some fishing, swimming, and little water skiing.

Long Weekend in Galveston

August

We visited Noel at her place (when she had a place)

in Galveston.  We spent a day at Moody Gardens and

some time at the beach.  We even got to visit a turtle

sanctuary on the island.

Mason's Birthday Party

August

We had the fire department come by for Mason's birthday

and the kids loved it.  They got to crawl all over the fire

truck and play with all the knobs and gadgets. My favorite

part was when they watered my lawn...free of charge.

First Day of School!

August

Kids grow up way too fast? Cristian going to 2nd grade,

Cora to kinder and Mason to pre-K.

Cristian's Baptism

September

Cristian's baptism was a memorable experience for

our whole family.

First time victims of Toilet Papering.

October

Jen had recently been called to a youth calling at church,

so I guess this was our welcome.

Halloween

October

Trick or Treating with the Vances.

Adoption Day!

November

We had a lot of great family events this year, but this

was the best.  Mason and Perry were officially made

Cruzes on that day.

Day at the Zoo

November

Smile-a-saurus!

I was putting away

some of the children's

books and I came

across this one.

Smile-a-saurus!

I took a look

at it and thought

to myself.

Hey,

we have one

of those!

5 - 4 - 3 ...

The count down is on for Christmas. Just a few days until Christmas and everything is just about ready. If we can just make everyone well by then. Jen's had some flu bug for at least week and now it's running it's course through Cora. We'll get through it I'm sure.

Autumn's Fire

Fall has been especially beautiful here this year. Don't get me wrong, I understand this is no Virginia or Utah autumn. Trees are small and sparse here, but we've seen some color this year and it is darn pretty. I just love the salmon reds and pinks - like fire. Kids, did you know that Fall is my favorite season of the year?

the Ins & Outs of Cheating

Well, my little children, many of our daily conversations deal with ethics and morality. I try to set the great example, I try to live what I say. But here we have reached what I call "the gray line". It's the same about Santa and Cristian asking me more than once, "Why do you talk all nice to her when you don't like her very much?" Because of the gray line kids.

So I have a fond affection for V-8. The kids and even Carlos think it is revolting. It is so earthy tasting and has the caloric value of a good sneeze. But it is cheating at it's best. I don't have to inspect the produce, wash the produce, store the produce, clean it, peel it, dice it, chop it, puree it. No ma'am, just shake and pop the top. And tah-dah, I drink a serving a veggies. You'd think I was a spokesperson for the product. But kiddies, sometimes it is okay to blur the edges of honesty (she didn't look THAT good in the dress), Santa is real for at least one more year, and my veggies can be drunk.

Cheating can be good for you.

On Grief

Mark's childhood friend emailed talking about his grief and how much he misses Mark. He brought up a point that I've maintained this past year with Mark's death. He realized that much of his grief is selfish. I feel that way too.

We were so blessed, Mark was so lucky to have gone - especially in his line of work -in a moment. He could have been caught and tortured. He could have been repeatedly shot to death, etc. He was on this earth one moment and gone the next. Wouldn't we all like to go that way? No suffering, no guilt or anxiety. Just poof. I do lament that Mark won't have babies or marry. His life was cut short by many standards. But Mark accomplished and experienced more in his 27 years than most. I can't feel bad about that. He traveled the world literally, saw foreign lands and cultures. He jumped, swam, dove, hiked, climbed, scaled. He was freak'n James Bond minus the tuxedo(& STD's).

When I stew in my grief it is all about me. I miss him, I want to talk to him, I want to hug him again. Ninety-eight percent of the people have careers that are necessary but fluffy. Mark had an incredible job that made your life and my life even possible. If Heavenly Father needed him on the other side, in a work more important than what he was excelling at here than I just need to get over it. It sounds bizarre but I am happy for Mark. He lived an incredible life, was taken in an instant, and is probably having a blast at whatever he's up to now.

Love you Markie!

What's your take on grief?

This Just In

FACT. I just made a discovery. I don't know why it took me 6 years of Cora's life to realize this. I was just slobbering her with good-night kisses and bites (shhh, don't tell CPS) when I breathed in the breath from her mouth. It is always the same and it just hit me what she smells like. The smell is warmed cream cheese. This is only pleasant if you like cream cheese and bagels or any hot creamy appetizer dip. She smells delish in my opinion. Now I am going to have to disect my other three kids breath. Only me and my weirdness

Corny Cake

Okay, yum. I have tons of cornmeal in the pantry and then a friend of mine was seriously deranged and invited us all over for dinner AND family home evening. Yes, the naive Jensen Family made a delish dinner of chili and cornbread. I am not a fan of cornbread - it is always dry and crumbly. But not Robyn's. Oh no, she even had honey butter to smother on top, but I declined. It was THAT moist, sweet, & grainy. I LOVED it. I asked for the recipe & look what I got - perfect "I'm an elementary school teacher taking a mother hiatus" handwriting. So she can bake and write perfectly. I'm rethinking the friendship.

We had a great dinner, charming F.H.E. complete with themed craft(the teacher in her still yells loud and clear). Our daughters were the highlight of the evening running through the living room and master bedroom stark naked. You know, all 2-year-olds pee simultaneously in the nude. Right, that's normal right?!? They ended with jumping, still naked, on Robyn and Tony's bed. Nothing like punie germs on the love nest. Emmie's bedroom was a d-i-s-a-s-t-e-r!!! Even wall hangings were strewn on the floor.

I guess we won't be invited back anytime soon. But, at least, I have the corny cake recipe. We're good.

Captain Bug Eyes

Oh, goodness, I wish you all could know how fabulous I think this kid is! Having another boy is wonderful. I told Carlos that if I could have 100 kids, I would want 90 of them to be boys. Mason is the polar opposite of Cristian in every way, but still a Mama's Boy. And aren't' those the best ladies? Mason is sassy, spicy, dramatic, enthusiastic, clownish. He loves to suck the marrow out of life. He is always full of one-liners and quotes movie lines at just the right spot in conversation. I picked him up from school the other day and asked Mrs. Wise how his day was. She said, "He was hilarious as usual!" I adore this little creature. Latest fetish? Cowboy boots and cape.

Texas "Snow"

Well, folks it happened again. Snow in Austin, Texas! There was a light dusting over the land. The kids were thrilled beyond belief. Perry asked to move to Nana's house immediately, I guess because her snow is better or something. Mason wanted to make a snow angel on the trampoline.


I didn't have the heart to tell him that is was probably just crusty ice at this point. The weather is just insane here! Yesterday it hit a high of 81 and then dipped down to 25 or was it 33? Tonight it's suppose to be 25. Either way, it is no wonder I had a headache yesterday. Such highs to lows can't be good for the body!!

Going There

My brother Mark was killed exactly a year ago. Since Thanksgiving I have been depressed. All of the feelings and experiences of last year have permeated me. It has been hard. To make matter's worse I had Perry at the ER this weekend - the exact spot when I was dropped the news of his death. It was so uncomfortable driving the road reliving it all.

A year ago Carlos and I were in Round Rock at the outpatient surgery center. Carlos was having nose surgery. I had read my book for as long as I could and needed a diversion. I left the waiting room, got in my car, and drove down the road to HEB (a grocery store) for some lunch. I distinctly remember contemplating whether or not to take my cell into the store. I left it in the car. I had a nice time leisurely looking around the store before picking up a favorite sushi roll for lunch. I returned to my car in the parking lot and ate my lunch while listening to the radio.

Shay had my kids. I was surprised kinda that she hadn't called me to make some silly comment or tell me how cute/annoying all the kids where being. I was on the highway back to the surgery center when I dialed her cell. I was perky and silly. She answered.

She was crying. I thought she was just fooling around as usual. She kept saying something,

"Did you talk to Dad?" Her voice was weird, shaky, excited.

I was lost. "What? No, I haven't.."

"HE'S DEAD Jennifer!!!! Mark's DEAD!!" More sobbing. The sounds she made hurt even to hear.

I was so confused. My first thought was, "Dad is dead? How can I talk to him if he is dead? What is going on?"

Just then my phone beeped signaling an incoming call. I looked down to see it was dad calling me. I quickly told Shay and hung up. I was spinning from confusion. There was a lot of traffic on the road, signs and signals that I had to pay attention to. I remember telling myself to keeps my wits about me, drive extra careful.

I clicked over to dad. His voice was slow, tense, sad. I don' remember the play by play but I remember him being composed for about 2 sentences and then losing it. He told me Mark had stepped on an explosive device last night during a routine raid. I was just numb. I didn't believe. Just numb. We got off the phone.

I was almost back to the surgery center. I remember telling myself to take extra care when parking my car to remember where I parked for later. I was so numb. I thought about my kids at Shay's. I hoped they were okay, Shay was freaking out. David wasn't there, Noel was on her way. Where my kids scared at what they were seeing and hearing?

I don't remember if I had a thousand questions. I just felt numbed, shocked. But my practical side was turned on too. Carlos was in surgery. I was in a public area. I thought things through. "Remember to look both ways for cars while walking in the road. I need to not make a scene in the lobby. I don't want to scare anyone. They are waiting for loved ones having surgery right now."

I walked to the reception's desk. I slowly spoke the the woman, "My husband is here having surgery right now. I am not worried about him. I just got a call that my brother was killed." She gasps. "I can't be here right now." The tears starting coming now. "I need to go somewhere, but I can't be here, in this room. Can you find me a place to go?" All the while she was looking around, thinking, and springing to action. She found a small private waiting room and left me with a nurse to stay by my side.

I was crying, finally feeling something. A couple different people came in and out of the room. Tissues and a soda were brought in to me. Nurses were speaking in hushed tones. Someone asked me if I would like the hospital's chaplain to come speak with me. I agreed.

Dad called again. I was broken this time. I wanted to know what exactly happened to Mark. I told him I had to see Mark. Dad didn't know the extent of damage done to Mark's body. "I don't care Dad, I HAVE to see him. I don't care what is left I have to see and touch him one last time. You tell the guys (Navy) that."

I crumbled onto the ground. I wanted to talk to Mom.

For the rest of my life I'll never forget the tangible pain in mom's voice. It was horrible to feel, to hear her anguish. It was so raw and bottomless. I couldn't understand her words, she was sobbing, whimpering. It was awful. I ached for her. I was scared after I got off the phone with her. I wondered if she would ever surface again.

I had a chaplain with me the remainder of Paco's surgery and recovery. She was so pleasant. The surgeon came out and expressed his sympathies. Paco's surgery had gone well. Shay, David, and Kavers came to drive us home at the surgery center's insistence. I held myself together for Carlos. I put on my normal face and swallowed down the past 2 hours.

Carlos was so out of it. I dressed him. Shay and I were chatty and pleasant the ride home. Carlos was oblivious. We got home, we got Carlos situated. The kids came home. I explained the best I could about Mark. They were so tender with me. They felt his loss, understood to the best of their abilities what it all meant.

Carlos was blitzed for the next 2 days. I will confess it was especially dark for me having to take care of him during this time. My shoulder to lean on was doped up out of his senses. Late that evening I told him, "Carlos, Mark was killed last night." He stood and hugged me, stunned. We stood there a few moments. I tucked him in bed and he was out. Several hours later he woke up and said he had a dream that Mark was killed. "Was that real?" he asked.

"Yes, baby Mark is dead."

SAY WHAT?!?

Perry gave us a good little laugh last night at bedtime prayers. Several people are sick with the December crud that hovers every year. We reminded her to bless each person and their ailment. Cora's jaw hurts (whatever!), Perry has a yeast infection AND bacterial infection in her girlie parts, and Cristian has a hacking cough. Mason is currently unscathed.

So during the prayer she blesses each child. I figure she thought Mason felt left out. She sweetly, seriously says, "Bless Mason keep his fingers out of his buttcrackers. Amen."

Paco and I were grossly amused.

SAY WHAT?!?

Well, little Mason has done it again, although this is cute not anatomically hilarious. I despise all hard candy. Skittles is about all I can tolerate. If it isn't chocolate or a baked good than just keep on walk'n. The King of all evil hard candy is what you ask.... it's the sucker. And businesses use these all the time to lure children into a game of "I waaaaaannt it!" Suckers are the worst because kids turn into sloppy, goopey messes of stick, food coloring, and saliva. Can't stand 'em.

So we were at HEB yesterday. They hand the kiddies balloons with suckers attached at the ends. I was just turning towards the cart when an employee handed Mason a sucker balloon to "enjoy". Mason immediately pipes up, "Hey Mom, look! She gave us some junk food!"

That's my boy!

Inner Demons

In the face of fairness I can't portray our family as all rainbows and sunshine. I must therefore confess a few of our inner demons that Carlos and I are currently struggling with. How, you ask, is a benign container of Kirkland Chocolate Covered Raisins a threat? Well, this is mommies current monster in the pantry. These babies are no ordinary shriveled grape. No sir, these are GOURMET raisins which sounds silly but they are the size of Milk Duds. And then lovingly drenched in layer after layer of fabulous chocolate. To make matters worse, I rationalize that I am actually eating a fruit - so it's part of my 5-a-day shinanagin. Aren't raisins high in iron and good for constipation? All I know is that I CAN'T stop eating them. This week I am working out soley to prevent chocolate covered raisin weight. D**n you CostCo.

This posting was started on Nov. 22; the chocolate covered raisins are needless to say...history. 5-a-day went out the window.

And Now Political Commentary...Sort of

Posted by Carlos

As some of you know, this November was my first presidential election. I was pretty psyched about the whole experience of following the election and paid much closer attention to some of the issues surrounding the election than I have in the past. I have to say I felt proud to step into line with other voters before I went to work on Wednesday, October 29 (early voting in Texas). Then, almost a week later, I was dissapointed when I listened to the news that Barack Obama had clinched the necessary electoral votes to be the next U.S. President.
Fast forward a couple of weeks and then I had a dream. It took place in the present so Barack Obama was 'President elect'. In this dream I was in a cafe having breakfast when in walked...Barack Obama...surrounded by secret service. It wasn't a fancy place, not that big either; as a matter of fact there were more secret service there than everyone else put together. As I sat there, I thought of all the reasons I didn't vote for him. But in the midst of my grumbling I thought,

How can I let this chance go by without saying anything to him? I will probably never get another opportunity to speak first hand to him and have his undivided attention.

So I got up from my side of the cafe and made my way towards him. As I approached, a few secret service lunged at me, but Mr. Obama waved them back allowing me to come to him. As I stood in front of him, he stood to greet me. I put my hand out and introduced myself to him. As I did so I proceeded to tell him that I didn't vote for him and that there were many things we disagree on.

However, I said, I want you to know that I don't hope that you fail as a leader of this great country. I love the United States very much and I will pray that you will make good choices that, in the end, will bring success and prosperity to the country and continue to make this the best country in the world to live in.

And that was it. I said my piece and my dream was over.

Maybe I was tired of all the mudslinging we heard the last couple of years,but I still think about what I said to Obama in my dream. Success may mean something different to him than to me, but maybe not.