It's Coming!!

So tomorrow is the BIG day! Tomorrow our family will be sealed in the San Antonio Temple! The foster and adoption process takes you through a myriad of emotions and scenarios. We were always on some part of the roller coaster of emotions for the past 29 months. But I must admit that once we knew Mason and Perry were with us to stay, all I could think of was the temple sealing.

They were returned to their biological mother a while back. That was a long and tedious separation. About two weeks before they left I couldn't take it anymore. I don't even remember where the kids were, maybe they were in a visit with their mom because I know I approached their CPS worker and told her I needed to talk to her privately. She took me to her office. I let loose. The tears were running fluidly. Despite my flood, I gave a logical defense to my feelings. I told her that I had a lot of concerns - things that I knew mom wasn't able to do for the kids. There were things I didn't feel she completed for the well-being of the kids. This was a ridiculous platform. CPS gently told me they understood my concerns, but they were still being returned. I moved on to how confusing and scary this was going to be for Perry and Mason, how attached they were to Cora and Bug, to the both of us. Again, empathy, but a no go. I finally pulled out the big guns. What was largest on my mind and imprinted everywhere in my heart. "Emily," I said, "I am telling you that this is wrong. These kids belong in our family. They belong with us. Carlos and I knew it the first night they were with us. They just fit."

It was a very confusing time for me when they left. I had to honor the law. I knew the laws were there to protect the masses. I knew we were helpless. It was futile to fight against all this. I knew when they left that was the end of it. It was so hard to wrestle and compartmentalize all my feelings and intuition. It had all felt too right. And here it had all unraveled. I do what I am expert at and just didn't think about it. I just didn't deal and moved forward.

Five weeks later our foster agency calls up. Angela is unusually chipper. She always was when she had a placement for us. "Guess what Jen?" she gushed. "I have a couple of kiddos for ya!" You need to imagine the thickest southern drawl possible when thinking of Angela. I groaned inside at the thought of not one, but two new kids in the home right now. "Really," I replied. "Yeah," she's about to explode, "and their names are Tony and Chula!!" That was the beginning of the rest of all our lives. They came home that evening looking disheveled, bitten up, and dirty. But they were home. I will spend the rest of my life filling in all their holes, teaching them what family is, letting them know how magnificent they are.

Tomorrow is the offical beginning of our forever.