s.w.a.k.

a huge thank you and warm fuzzies to everyone who has called or asked us about out departure of little hayden. family and friends have been so amazing to us. your concern and kindnesses (?) are so, so appreciated. we are slowly doing better. i dreamt of my little blondie this morning and we are all looking around corners trying to find hayden only to realize...but, time does heal, right?

we are off on a vacation. the arkansas air will do us all good!

Kids Camera

We've been letting the kids use our old camera to take pictures around the house of whatever they want. After a couple of weeks, here's a sampling of what the memory card yielded.

We might actually save some of these pictures. Maybe a couple.

dear houston c.p.s.,

tonight i would like you to have a big turd land smack in your eyeballs.

i would love to thank you for the endless tears and wailing that you have given us this evening, even up until 10:49 p.m. cora and cristian appreciate your selfless generosity in allowing them to explore a whole new repertoire of emotions.

can you please forward your claims department address? i need to know where to have their therapy bills reimbursed at.

your obedient servants,

carlos & jen cruz

bleeding

CPS informed us today that our little sweet Hayden is being taken from us tomorrow. He is being placed in another foster home in Houston so he can be near his biological mother. People always ask me how we can do foster care. This moment in time is the reason why so many people veer away from it.

I'm not going to lying to you. This always hurts. You feel torn, hurt, rejected, dejected, angry, sad, hopeful, grief - you feel it all. Hayden has been extra special to our whole family. I don't know the reason why he has except that he is just an amazingly special child.

But what endears me to the human spirit is our ability to regenerate ourselves. A piece of my heart is being ripped out. I'll miss and worry over Hayden for a good while. A then another sweet little spirit will be dropped off on our doorstep. And we will pour all our love and efforts into that child. Because I have learned something these past few years fostering...

It's not about me.

Yes, I hurt and ache. I want Hayden to stay here. We all want him officially adopted into our family. But there are many things we have no control over. And while Hayden, or Jose, or Miguel, or Naila, or Sara, or Christavia, or Evie, or Lily, or Gary, or Natalie, or Terence, or Perry, or Mace are with us they are loved. It's not about me. It's all about them.

We love you Hayden. You'll always be our pickle.

okay shay

here's a little number we bought off of craig's list ($100 i think). it was in great shape, except i wasn't fond of the color and HATED the wood diamonds on the front. those were taken off and smoothed down.

we obviously painted her over and put on new hardware. thank you hobby lobby. she feels very beachish to me and i love the pop of color she adds to my very brown house.

i stained the edges with a walnut-colored stain, but then lost interest in it all. so the bottom half of the unit isn't even done. how ghetto is that? if you wait and live with it long enough you simply forget about it. you should try it.

Soap Box

Okay, look you stupid Mormon moms, I have a serious bone to pick with you. Why are you putting your daughters, regardless of how young they are, in two-piece swim suits? Have we not all been told about modesty especially bikinis since the beginning of time? What is your deal?

Let me guess...

She is just so cute in it. You can't resist!
She isn't being immodest, she is just a little girl.
You'll stop the behavior when she gets older & when it really matters.
There's no harm in it.
You're pleased she can wear one because your glory days are over
You think sexualizing your daughter is awesome.

Um, for starters she'll have photographic evidence of how you dressed her. My huge thing with parenting and how I parent my kids is don't give in to something that I'm not willing to always give in too. I can't pick and choose with my kids when I want to follow a rule or a commandment. It makes for very confused and manipulative kids and piece of crap parenting. I either completely disregard a principle or never bend on it.

Women, grow a backbone. Are you in or out of this religion? Why would you dress up your daughter(s) in provocative, sexualized clothing especially when you have a living prophet telling you the polar opposite? I don't get it.

On awful thought that keeps me especially motivated on this topic is something I have zero control over. The thoughts of other people in public. It disgusts me to think of sick men or boys starring at my daughters because their attire solicit the look. You don't know what kind of people are in public and what they are thinking as they watch your child. I wouldn't put my 5 year old daughter in a triangle bikini top to help stimulate his imagination.

Follow the prophet and cover your girls up. Please.

Our 4th this July - Part One

How adorable is our little Hayden? He loved all the open space of Noel's apartment...

Look at our stow-away. He kept trying to climb inside dad's bag. I didn't bring many toys for him, but let's face it babies would rather play with the electric cords than their toys. It's a fact.

We were busy all three days at Noel's house. All the kids did amazingly well. I am coming to terms with the fact that I just have super well-behaved children. Carlos and I are doing something right!! It was freak'n hot the whole weekend. We came across this fountain and we all got a little wet for kicks.

Here is our fabulous tour guide. She was a little weird, but sweet at the same time. Noel bought a Popsicle from a street vendor - this was in the El Mercado district - and we all jumped on board with various flavors. THE BEST POPSICLES EVA!! By a company called Arco Iris. Noel had watermelon and we bought pina colada, coconut, and strawberry creme. They were so rich, creamy, and refreshing.

Um, this is how we ate them - it's called "family style".

Can't be in El Mercado without a mechanical bull ride now can ya?

Cora looks all pro in this shot. She even took off her hat in true rodeo fashion!

My little Mexican Men. It was nice to have Tijuana right here in Texas!

These masks were so colorful. The boys loved trying them on and pretend they were Nacho Libre. Weirdos.

No thanks. I don't like this look on my boy. Just stay away from Mexican cowboy culture please.

Best Thing/Worst Thing

So a friend of mine has this tradition in her home. I've known about it for a couple of years now and liked it so I don't know why we didn't steal it until a few weeks ago.

It's called "best thing/worst thing" in which you go around the dinner table and each share these two elements of your day. The kids love it & I can usually guess their answers before they speak, but I think it'll be invaluable when they are pre-teens and teens and hate my guts and won't communicate at all. At least we'll have some idea as to what is going on in their daily lives.

This is how it goes thus far: Carlos is always thankful for some aspect of his family or the food we are eating, Cristian usually can't think of a "worst" thing (optimist), Mason rarely can think of a "best" thing (pessimist), Cora's list is usually long and very detailed, it hits a variety of personal injustices, Perry can't narrow it down to 2 of anything and keeps jabbering until we cut it off, & my worst thing usually involves child behavior so I make up something else.

Thanks Robyn - we are enjoying this tradition!!

Bug

Some things never change...
Both Cristian and the walking stick bug are a bit bigger.

and of course, our brave little princess

We found this walking stick bug in Noel's apartment complex while taking a walk one night. We spent the 4th of July at her place in San Antonio.

Joy

This was taken in San Antonio this past weekend. I love this picture of Perry! It captures her perfectly! Happy, carefree, full of life, and a little dirty like a Beyonce video.

There was a large vent in the sidewalk that entertained the kids and I for about 15 minutes. Perry loved having her hair blown wildly and her dress up to her chin. She was laughing and giggling the entire time.

I love simple childhood joys. They make me so happy and it's experiences like this that she'll remember forever.

Cute Kid x 5000

So here is our little family obsession. Hayden is by far the ruler of this home. He is doted on by every person all day long. Even the boys/men spend their days speaking in "motherese".

But can you blame us? The child IS always this smiley. He is such a lover - so sweet and happy. It is unbelievable what he has been through in his first 7 months of life. I see no signs of his past life. He is sweet, happy, affectionate, and (for now) ours!

Stewart's you have to give us your take, but Cora, Paco, and I see glimpses of Reade in him now and again. I thought it to myself but Cora was the first to point it out!

Love that orange vegetable nose! It's amazing what magic one little life can bring to our whole family. We are all totally smitten.

--heavy sigh--

On any given day this is the room of Perry and Cora. Who is the slob you ask? They both are. They can't ever seem to hold it together for longer than half a day. I've basically given up. Anyone care to join me?

I spy...

..with my little eye... a half-grown boy child swaddled in all his bedding on the floor.

Forts are a big deal in this house, especially in the summer time. The kids like to gather all their crap in a pile, tie it all together, & call it good.

Cristian opted to sleep here this particular evening. I go to bed praying we don't have a fire. How would I ever find the kids in time?!