Mark's childhood friend emailed talking about his grief and how much he misses Mark. He brought up a point that I've maintained this past year with Mark's death. He realized that much of his grief is selfish. I feel that way too.
We were so blessed, Mark was so lucky to have gone - especially in his line of work -in a moment. He could have been caught and tortured. He could have been repeatedly shot to death, etc. He was on this earth one moment and gone the next. Wouldn't we all like to go that way? No suffering, no guilt or anxiety. Just poof. I do lament that Mark won't have babies or marry. His life was cut short by many standards. But Mark accomplished and experienced more in his 27 years than most. I can't feel bad about that. He traveled the world literally, saw foreign lands and cultures. He jumped, swam, dove, hiked, climbed, scaled. He was freak'n James Bond minus the tuxedo(& STD's).
When I stew in my grief it is all about me. I miss him, I want to talk to him, I want to hug him again. Ninety-eight percent of the people have careers that are necessary but fluffy. Mark had an incredible job that made your life and my life even possible. If Heavenly Father needed him on the other side, in a work more important than what he was excelling at here than I just need to get over it. It sounds bizarre but I am happy for Mark. He lived an incredible life, was taken in an instant, and is probably having a blast at whatever he's up to now.
Love you Markie!
What's your take on grief?
5 comments:
mark is so handsome. even with a thick beard he is just sparkly. i know a lot of my grief over my dad is selfish but what makes me the most sad is when i think about my kids not ever knowing him and me not being able to see them interact with him and call him grandpa. most of my grandparents died before i was born and when i look at pictures of them i feel nothing and i hate that my boys may have that same hollow feeling when they see pictures of my dad. but i also have a great friend of mine that committed suicide a couple years ago and my grief for him mostly involves me feeling sad that he was so sad inside. great post, jen.
Grief is a helpful yet crappy thing. It touches everyone involved in the tragedy, yet is so different for everyone. And everyone feels it at different times and for different lengths of time. I think the key is too not let it overtake who you are, not let it define you. Easier said than done, I know.
Thank you to your family for having a brother so brave to risk his life for us to have the freedoms we have. And thank you to Mark and for giving his life for an amazing, selfless job. He will never be forgotten.
xoxoxo
Jenny Sue.... the best IS that Markie will have a chance to marry and have children to raise..... that is THE GOSPEL.... Think of Mark doing Heavenly Father's work... laughing, loving and sharing his NEW life with his OLD family... Grandpa Carter....Johnstone.. and Moses. I Love You.... My Only Follower on my blog! Aunt Shadda
Thank you Jen for your words. I'm gratefull that Mark's death was sudden too; however i'm more gratefull for Heavenly Father's plan.
Hey Jen - I don't even know where to start :) It's only been a decade since we've talked - so much life has been lived. heather told me about your blog and I read your entries tonight. Your family is so beautiful! I am also sorry to hear about your brother, Mark. There is more to catch up on for sure but you asked about our take on grief - I've tried the blog thing, too, and it's interesting how grief plays such a major role in this life. It is a vehicle like none other - it can take us to many places, good and bad.
In any case - I hope you are well. I have missed you and I hope we can catch up sometime very soon.
Much love - Tracy
http://theflictedfriend.blogspot.com/2005/11/volume-2-issue-3.html
http://theflictedfriend.blogspot.com/2008/02/legacy.html
Post a Comment