Smile-a-saurus!

I was putting away

some of the children's

books and I came

across this one.

Smile-a-saurus!

I took a look

at it and thought

to myself.

Hey,

we have one

of those!

5 - 4 - 3 ...

The count down is on for Christmas. Just a few days until Christmas and everything is just about ready. If we can just make everyone well by then. Jen's had some flu bug for at least week and now it's running it's course through Cora. We'll get through it I'm sure.

Autumn's Fire

Fall has been especially beautiful here this year. Don't get me wrong, I understand this is no Virginia or Utah autumn. Trees are small and sparse here, but we've seen some color this year and it is darn pretty. I just love the salmon reds and pinks - like fire. Kids, did you know that Fall is my favorite season of the year?

the Ins & Outs of Cheating

Well, my little children, many of our daily conversations deal with ethics and morality. I try to set the great example, I try to live what I say. But here we have reached what I call "the gray line". It's the same about Santa and Cristian asking me more than once, "Why do you talk all nice to her when you don't like her very much?" Because of the gray line kids.

So I have a fond affection for V-8. The kids and even Carlos think it is revolting. It is so earthy tasting and has the caloric value of a good sneeze. But it is cheating at it's best. I don't have to inspect the produce, wash the produce, store the produce, clean it, peel it, dice it, chop it, puree it. No ma'am, just shake and pop the top. And tah-dah, I drink a serving a veggies. You'd think I was a spokesperson for the product. But kiddies, sometimes it is okay to blur the edges of honesty (she didn't look THAT good in the dress), Santa is real for at least one more year, and my veggies can be drunk.

Cheating can be good for you.

On Grief

Mark's childhood friend emailed talking about his grief and how much he misses Mark. He brought up a point that I've maintained this past year with Mark's death. He realized that much of his grief is selfish. I feel that way too.

We were so blessed, Mark was so lucky to have gone - especially in his line of work -in a moment. He could have been caught and tortured. He could have been repeatedly shot to death, etc. He was on this earth one moment and gone the next. Wouldn't we all like to go that way? No suffering, no guilt or anxiety. Just poof. I do lament that Mark won't have babies or marry. His life was cut short by many standards. But Mark accomplished and experienced more in his 27 years than most. I can't feel bad about that. He traveled the world literally, saw foreign lands and cultures. He jumped, swam, dove, hiked, climbed, scaled. He was freak'n James Bond minus the tuxedo(& STD's).

When I stew in my grief it is all about me. I miss him, I want to talk to him, I want to hug him again. Ninety-eight percent of the people have careers that are necessary but fluffy. Mark had an incredible job that made your life and my life even possible. If Heavenly Father needed him on the other side, in a work more important than what he was excelling at here than I just need to get over it. It sounds bizarre but I am happy for Mark. He lived an incredible life, was taken in an instant, and is probably having a blast at whatever he's up to now.

Love you Markie!

What's your take on grief?

This Just In

FACT. I just made a discovery. I don't know why it took me 6 years of Cora's life to realize this. I was just slobbering her with good-night kisses and bites (shhh, don't tell CPS) when I breathed in the breath from her mouth. It is always the same and it just hit me what she smells like. The smell is warmed cream cheese. This is only pleasant if you like cream cheese and bagels or any hot creamy appetizer dip. She smells delish in my opinion. Now I am going to have to disect my other three kids breath. Only me and my weirdness

Corny Cake

Okay, yum. I have tons of cornmeal in the pantry and then a friend of mine was seriously deranged and invited us all over for dinner AND family home evening. Yes, the naive Jensen Family made a delish dinner of chili and cornbread. I am not a fan of cornbread - it is always dry and crumbly. But not Robyn's. Oh no, she even had honey butter to smother on top, but I declined. It was THAT moist, sweet, & grainy. I LOVED it. I asked for the recipe & look what I got - perfect "I'm an elementary school teacher taking a mother hiatus" handwriting. So she can bake and write perfectly. I'm rethinking the friendship.

We had a great dinner, charming F.H.E. complete with themed craft(the teacher in her still yells loud and clear). Our daughters were the highlight of the evening running through the living room and master bedroom stark naked. You know, all 2-year-olds pee simultaneously in the nude. Right, that's normal right?!? They ended with jumping, still naked, on Robyn and Tony's bed. Nothing like punie germs on the love nest. Emmie's bedroom was a d-i-s-a-s-t-e-r!!! Even wall hangings were strewn on the floor.

I guess we won't be invited back anytime soon. But, at least, I have the corny cake recipe. We're good.

Captain Bug Eyes

Oh, goodness, I wish you all could know how fabulous I think this kid is! Having another boy is wonderful. I told Carlos that if I could have 100 kids, I would want 90 of them to be boys. Mason is the polar opposite of Cristian in every way, but still a Mama's Boy. And aren't' those the best ladies? Mason is sassy, spicy, dramatic, enthusiastic, clownish. He loves to suck the marrow out of life. He is always full of one-liners and quotes movie lines at just the right spot in conversation. I picked him up from school the other day and asked Mrs. Wise how his day was. She said, "He was hilarious as usual!" I adore this little creature. Latest fetish? Cowboy boots and cape.

Texas "Snow"

Well, folks it happened again. Snow in Austin, Texas! There was a light dusting over the land. The kids were thrilled beyond belief. Perry asked to move to Nana's house immediately, I guess because her snow is better or something. Mason wanted to make a snow angel on the trampoline.


I didn't have the heart to tell him that is was probably just crusty ice at this point. The weather is just insane here! Yesterday it hit a high of 81 and then dipped down to 25 or was it 33? Tonight it's suppose to be 25. Either way, it is no wonder I had a headache yesterday. Such highs to lows can't be good for the body!!

Going There

My brother Mark was killed exactly a year ago. Since Thanksgiving I have been depressed. All of the feelings and experiences of last year have permeated me. It has been hard. To make matter's worse I had Perry at the ER this weekend - the exact spot when I was dropped the news of his death. It was so uncomfortable driving the road reliving it all.

A year ago Carlos and I were in Round Rock at the outpatient surgery center. Carlos was having nose surgery. I had read my book for as long as I could and needed a diversion. I left the waiting room, got in my car, and drove down the road to HEB (a grocery store) for some lunch. I distinctly remember contemplating whether or not to take my cell into the store. I left it in the car. I had a nice time leisurely looking around the store before picking up a favorite sushi roll for lunch. I returned to my car in the parking lot and ate my lunch while listening to the radio.

Shay had my kids. I was surprised kinda that she hadn't called me to make some silly comment or tell me how cute/annoying all the kids where being. I was on the highway back to the surgery center when I dialed her cell. I was perky and silly. She answered.

She was crying. I thought she was just fooling around as usual. She kept saying something,

"Did you talk to Dad?" Her voice was weird, shaky, excited.

I was lost. "What? No, I haven't.."

"HE'S DEAD Jennifer!!!! Mark's DEAD!!" More sobbing. The sounds she made hurt even to hear.

I was so confused. My first thought was, "Dad is dead? How can I talk to him if he is dead? What is going on?"

Just then my phone beeped signaling an incoming call. I looked down to see it was dad calling me. I quickly told Shay and hung up. I was spinning from confusion. There was a lot of traffic on the road, signs and signals that I had to pay attention to. I remember telling myself to keeps my wits about me, drive extra careful.

I clicked over to dad. His voice was slow, tense, sad. I don' remember the play by play but I remember him being composed for about 2 sentences and then losing it. He told me Mark had stepped on an explosive device last night during a routine raid. I was just numb. I didn't believe. Just numb. We got off the phone.

I was almost back to the surgery center. I remember telling myself to take extra care when parking my car to remember where I parked for later. I was so numb. I thought about my kids at Shay's. I hoped they were okay, Shay was freaking out. David wasn't there, Noel was on her way. Where my kids scared at what they were seeing and hearing?

I don't remember if I had a thousand questions. I just felt numbed, shocked. But my practical side was turned on too. Carlos was in surgery. I was in a public area. I thought things through. "Remember to look both ways for cars while walking in the road. I need to not make a scene in the lobby. I don't want to scare anyone. They are waiting for loved ones having surgery right now."

I walked to the reception's desk. I slowly spoke the the woman, "My husband is here having surgery right now. I am not worried about him. I just got a call that my brother was killed." She gasps. "I can't be here right now." The tears starting coming now. "I need to go somewhere, but I can't be here, in this room. Can you find me a place to go?" All the while she was looking around, thinking, and springing to action. She found a small private waiting room and left me with a nurse to stay by my side.

I was crying, finally feeling something. A couple different people came in and out of the room. Tissues and a soda were brought in to me. Nurses were speaking in hushed tones. Someone asked me if I would like the hospital's chaplain to come speak with me. I agreed.

Dad called again. I was broken this time. I wanted to know what exactly happened to Mark. I told him I had to see Mark. Dad didn't know the extent of damage done to Mark's body. "I don't care Dad, I HAVE to see him. I don't care what is left I have to see and touch him one last time. You tell the guys (Navy) that."

I crumbled onto the ground. I wanted to talk to Mom.

For the rest of my life I'll never forget the tangible pain in mom's voice. It was horrible to feel, to hear her anguish. It was so raw and bottomless. I couldn't understand her words, she was sobbing, whimpering. It was awful. I ached for her. I was scared after I got off the phone with her. I wondered if she would ever surface again.

I had a chaplain with me the remainder of Paco's surgery and recovery. She was so pleasant. The surgeon came out and expressed his sympathies. Paco's surgery had gone well. Shay, David, and Kavers came to drive us home at the surgery center's insistence. I held myself together for Carlos. I put on my normal face and swallowed down the past 2 hours.

Carlos was so out of it. I dressed him. Shay and I were chatty and pleasant the ride home. Carlos was oblivious. We got home, we got Carlos situated. The kids came home. I explained the best I could about Mark. They were so tender with me. They felt his loss, understood to the best of their abilities what it all meant.

Carlos was blitzed for the next 2 days. I will confess it was especially dark for me having to take care of him during this time. My shoulder to lean on was doped up out of his senses. Late that evening I told him, "Carlos, Mark was killed last night." He stood and hugged me, stunned. We stood there a few moments. I tucked him in bed and he was out. Several hours later he woke up and said he had a dream that Mark was killed. "Was that real?" he asked.

"Yes, baby Mark is dead."

SAY WHAT?!?

Perry gave us a good little laugh last night at bedtime prayers. Several people are sick with the December crud that hovers every year. We reminded her to bless each person and their ailment. Cora's jaw hurts (whatever!), Perry has a yeast infection AND bacterial infection in her girlie parts, and Cristian has a hacking cough. Mason is currently unscathed.

So during the prayer she blesses each child. I figure she thought Mason felt left out. She sweetly, seriously says, "Bless Mason keep his fingers out of his buttcrackers. Amen."

Paco and I were grossly amused.

SAY WHAT?!?

Well, little Mason has done it again, although this is cute not anatomically hilarious. I despise all hard candy. Skittles is about all I can tolerate. If it isn't chocolate or a baked good than just keep on walk'n. The King of all evil hard candy is what you ask.... it's the sucker. And businesses use these all the time to lure children into a game of "I waaaaaannt it!" Suckers are the worst because kids turn into sloppy, goopey messes of stick, food coloring, and saliva. Can't stand 'em.

So we were at HEB yesterday. They hand the kiddies balloons with suckers attached at the ends. I was just turning towards the cart when an employee handed Mason a sucker balloon to "enjoy". Mason immediately pipes up, "Hey Mom, look! She gave us some junk food!"

That's my boy!

Inner Demons

In the face of fairness I can't portray our family as all rainbows and sunshine. I must therefore confess a few of our inner demons that Carlos and I are currently struggling with. How, you ask, is a benign container of Kirkland Chocolate Covered Raisins a threat? Well, this is mommies current monster in the pantry. These babies are no ordinary shriveled grape. No sir, these are GOURMET raisins which sounds silly but they are the size of Milk Duds. And then lovingly drenched in layer after layer of fabulous chocolate. To make matters worse, I rationalize that I am actually eating a fruit - so it's part of my 5-a-day shinanagin. Aren't raisins high in iron and good for constipation? All I know is that I CAN'T stop eating them. This week I am working out soley to prevent chocolate covered raisin weight. D**n you CostCo.

This posting was started on Nov. 22; the chocolate covered raisins are needless to say...history. 5-a-day went out the window.

And Now Political Commentary...Sort of

Posted by Carlos

As some of you know, this November was my first presidential election. I was pretty psyched about the whole experience of following the election and paid much closer attention to some of the issues surrounding the election than I have in the past. I have to say I felt proud to step into line with other voters before I went to work on Wednesday, October 29 (early voting in Texas). Then, almost a week later, I was dissapointed when I listened to the news that Barack Obama had clinched the necessary electoral votes to be the next U.S. President.
Fast forward a couple of weeks and then I had a dream. It took place in the present so Barack Obama was 'President elect'. In this dream I was in a cafe having breakfast when in walked...Barack Obama...surrounded by secret service. It wasn't a fancy place, not that big either; as a matter of fact there were more secret service there than everyone else put together. As I sat there, I thought of all the reasons I didn't vote for him. But in the midst of my grumbling I thought,

How can I let this chance go by without saying anything to him? I will probably never get another opportunity to speak first hand to him and have his undivided attention.

So I got up from my side of the cafe and made my way towards him. As I approached, a few secret service lunged at me, but Mr. Obama waved them back allowing me to come to him. As I stood in front of him, he stood to greet me. I put my hand out and introduced myself to him. As I did so I proceeded to tell him that I didn't vote for him and that there were many things we disagree on.

However, I said, I want you to know that I don't hope that you fail as a leader of this great country. I love the United States very much and I will pray that you will make good choices that, in the end, will bring success and prosperity to the country and continue to make this the best country in the world to live in.

And that was it. I said my piece and my dream was over.

Maybe I was tired of all the mudslinging we heard the last couple of years,but I still think about what I said to Obama in my dream. Success may mean something different to him than to me, but maybe not.